Last week, I was posted in the hospital bahagia for my psychiatric module. I was kinda lazy at first because I had pack my luggage. Some more have to pack quite a number of things since I will be staying there for almost a week.
Camera is totally prohibited inside the hospital due to the confidentiality of patients. And tell you what, the hospital is really so much different from my imagination! It doesn't look like a hospital at all. In fact, it looks more like a campus or some universities and true enough, a few colleges are situated inside, offering medical line courses. Anyway, the building and those roads here and there remind me of Universiti Malaya.
Because I can't take pictures in the hospital, most of the pictures I post here will be the pictures of the railway station. We actually need to cross the railway to go to that hospital.
We were all placed in a women's area due to safety reason. I was truly confused on the first day. Patients were seen walking aroung freely in their dorm(I called it a dorm rather than ward since they most of them stay there for years or months) or across the corridor area.
I also can hear them screaming and shouting away, those screamings were disturbing to me, and honestly, as calm as I was, I was a little scare. Because I don't understand why they scream, is it because they were happy, elated, or sad or angry. And they will be like,
"Hi, missy!! Hello missy!!, Missy, you are very pretty la" A few of them even came near and wanna touch me, smell me or whatever. My friends were holding unto me so tight, just because I was the group leader.... A few of them were just roaming around doing repetitive actions
(catatonic schizophrenia) such as rolling of pills, pulling their shirts, and more.
But as I get closer to them, as I began to talk and chat to them, they seems to be pretty normal to me. The staff nurse told me, it is because they took their medications to control their hallucinations. The way they administer medication was of course different from those in the normal ward. The nurse will call them by name one by one and ensure that they really swallow the medications.
I am truly glad that I get a lot of chance to communicate with the patients. I admit yes, I communicate with them according to their flow. I can't possibly speak to them like how I speak to you all. Just like how you will speak to a kid, you will add in some kiddy character in. So I was kinda having a tough time talking to them, because I was afraid, one wrong sentence might cause them to be sensitive and thus, be aggresive. Couldn't blame me, because I have yet any experience by then. A few of them even shown some funny actions which I have never seen before and I don't acknowledge them as foul language sign. Here are the few examples of our conversation:
PT: Missy, how are you ar? Eaten?
Me: Good, I have eaten. You?
PT: Missy, you got money or not?
Me: No wo..
PT: You think I got money or not?
Took quite some time to think what to answer because I was scare I might answer wrongly
Me: Moderate la
PT: You can buy house and car for me ar?
Me: No lo... I also got no money
PT: You no money how you come here??
Me: College paid for me la.. (I was lying)
PT: I see.. But if you no money, how come you can wear earrings wan??
Me: Oh, this earrings ar..... friends give me as a present..
PT: Oh....
Me: Ok la, I need to go already, we speak later ok
PT: Missy missy, I got story to tell you!
(Pulling my hands)
Me: Yes? What you wanna tell?
PT: I wanna tell you hor, last time when I was 15 that time, got a guy pull me to somewhere and took off my pants and he started to lick my down there..
Me: (Feeling uneasy because she was so direct) I see, how old are you now?
PT: I 45 already..
Me: Well, since it happened so long ago, I hope you can let it go, do not think so much..
PT: (Seems to think for a while).. Ya lo, I know I should, but I just can't seem to forget..
Me: I know I know...
I felt so down and sad at that time, because I just don't understand how she might felt at that time, and how she felt in those 30 years, thinking about the incident over and over again...
Yet another conversation which I couldn't forget. This patient seems to have another imaginary friend which helps her to communicate with others. I saw her reading newspaper and talking to herself, so I just went to her and started a conversation.
Me: Hi, can I know what is your name?
PT: (talking to herself... for 10 seconds), her name
Me: Oh, my name is Rebecca, how long you've been staying here?
PT: (grumble to herself again.. this time I listened what she grumble to herself, or rather, her imaginary friend).. "oh.. She asked me how long I have been staying here.." 2 months lo..
Me: Oh, who are you talking to just now?
PT: (She asked who am I talking to..) He and you lo..
Me: Who is the he?
PT: (She asked who is the he..) Someone lo..
Then she smiled.. I also smiled..
Me: Who?
PT: (She asked who ar..) Someone lo.. Missy, you got boyfriend ar?
Me: Me, no la.. the he is it your boyfriend?
She just nodded and smiled blushingly..
Me: I see.. he always talk to you?
She nodded more shyly this time..
PT: Missy ar, I wanna eat already, I go take food ok..
Me: ok...
All of sudden, I felt like as if I have been there a long time ago.. Patients starting to talk to me and I more or less get to know why they have gone mentally unsound. Most of them are because of heridatary factor. The nurses there told me, their mothers had been there before, now the daughters and sisters. That is why genetic counselling is vital to those who got family history of mental diseases.
Not only that, most of them were raped before when they were very young. I think God plays a very important role in healing after rape. Not only rape, but other problems as well. Because most can break down easily thinking that it is the end of the world.
And most of them are very gifted in one way or another. There was this patients who can draw very well, I mean really well, she drew a few potraits of my friends, I can say 85% looked exactly like them especially in her shading skills. She is a very detail person as well. She has bipolar disorder, mania with depression. If she is depress, she will use the nail clipper and cut her toe nails till it bleed.. That is why I can see a lot of scars on her toe... She told me she wants to go back, but no one wants her back home.
I was deeply moved at that time. Why would her own family members wanna disown her just
because she is senile? I felt a little angerness towards her family members actually but after, I couldn't judge, as I do not know the whole story.
On the third day, I was actually placed in the psycho geriatrics ward. The patients there stayed for years and years already, some even more that 30 years! For me, the are not really mentally unsound, they are more like kids, since they speak like kids and act like one, or forgive me for saying this, more like mentally retard. But I really enjoyed there. I got to listen to them sing, and play games with them. A few of them even dianosed as Alzheimer's disease sufferers.
As the staff nurse Aminah who is working in that ward was explaining in details about psycho geriatric ward to us, I saw a few tear drops rolling from her eyes.
She told us, most of them are fit to go back, but the family members would not want them back. The nurses can't even get to give them a phone call, and no one would come to visit them. It been years and years. Even if they do come and visit, they wouldn't admit that she is their mother and would rather told the nurses that they are their friends or neighbours. But it is obvious that they are their family members. I do not understand why mentally unsound people are being look so down by the society. It's not their fault for being senile. I believe the patients do not wish that all these disease be fall upon them? It's no wonder why SN Aminah cried.
I have never seen such a large cute bag before ^^
Other than that, I also got to play a lot of games with the patients. Games like congkak, which I never touch for ages, snake and ladders and also carom.
Although it was really tiring playing with them since a few of them would really love to play but had no idea at all about how to play... Well, as long as they are happy.
Oh yea, the food in Tanjung Rambutan outside the hospital are really cheap and tasty. There are a lot of shops selling very cheap clothes, shoes and bags. I went for window shopping there. I even bought a jacket from there.. because I did not bring any blanket there, thus, freezing through the night.. Thank God for that RM11.90 jacket.
In that hospital, patients are not only doing routine things like eat, sleep, take medications and that's it. Some patients are fit to work, so they are send to work outside or in the occupational therapy area, like checking gloves, sewing, and also gardening.
I really like the gardening part, because they will have their own market(Pasar Tani) to sell the things that they harvest. I was very busy throughout the posting and I didn't have the chance to buy any of it, but from what I saw from my friends' the fruits and vegetable are very fresh.
The doughnut there, not make by them though, but from some bakery, are the nicest one I've ever taste. It is just a simple doughnut with sugar, but it is so super soft!! Really, the best one! I managed to bought the chocolate mousse cake as well for my family, mom told me it is very nice, and it is not too sweet as well and very light.
On the last day of the posting, we are required to organise a party for them. Although a lot of impromtus here and there, we managed to do a good job. The patients were very happy, especially during the games and the perfomances time. A lot of them wanted to sing and they really sang their hearts out, hearts as in what actually they feel inside. The lyrics were very saddening, and touching. I wonder, is this how they express themself since I couldn't see their real expresion in daily life. It's like a mask covering them. But when they sing, all of sudden, I couldn't see that they are sufferers of mental illness, but a sad person. A lot still need to be told.
By the end of the day, I still do not know, how these people are going to be save. Will they understand a word about Christ? Will they understand about God's grace? But one thing I am sure of is that He really loves them. If all the world do not love them, at least, He loves them.
I am glad that I went there, truly am. I know, it's God's plan to reveal all these to me, to let me experience this, to remind me how blessed and rich I am, but after all God gives honor to the poor...
"Believers who are poor have something to boast about, for God has honored them. And those who are rich should boast that God has humbled them. They will fade away like a little flower in the field." -James 1:9-10
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